The content and opinions found on this blog are mine alone, and do not reflect any position of the United States Government or the Peace Corps.

August 27, 2010

RE: Anal Fireball

Dear Dr. S. of The Surgery in Kampala,

Our first meeting began like any other encounter between doctor and patient. You asked me what was wrong, and I explained that the gnarly warts on my toes were in dire need of medical attention. However, unlike a normal doctor, this did not prompt you to immediately attend to my bubonic feet. Instead, you proceeded to tell me about a "gay American Jew" afflicted with "a great fucking forest of anal warts." You and a colleague had been treating this poor man, cauterizing the warts with a hot iron, when one of the warts began to bleed substantially. You grabbed an alcohol pad to clean up the blood and sterilize the wound, but neglected to remove the cauterizing iron. The heat from the iron ignited the alcohol, causing a large explosion between the patient's buttocks. Locally anaestitized, the gay American Jew felt only a dull sensation around his cornhole. When he asked "what happened?" you and your colleague both exclaimed, "Nothing!" and returned to cutting down the forest.

To be sure, Herr Doctor, your story is hilarious. But appropriate for a first time meeting with a new patient? No.

- L


  1. HAAAAAAHA! You didn't let him operate on your toes did you?

  2. Oh, I did. And *gulp* I'm going back for Round Two on Tuesday. I feel extremely fortunate that the problem is on my feet and not a more unpleasant place.

  3. LOL!

    He was only trying to make you feel better about how minuscule your issues were in relation to the great fucking forest of accidentally ignited anal warts.

    Highly inappropriate, but I guess for him too good a story not to repeat.

  4. By the way, if you have not yet made that rafting trip to Jinja, I feel obliged to offer you some hospitality; both as payment for the good laughs I've had off your blog and for educating one half of my obstinate people - my mum is from Hoima.

  5. Gosh that's funny!

    And I agree, not something you want to hear on your first meeting.

  6. This scared the crap out of me.

    Be careful.

    -Mark Bradt